The beginning of this blog is harder than I thought it would be, I am not sure where to start. The purpose in writing this blog is to live a transparent life and to let people know that they are not alone on their expeditions through the experience called being human. One of the most terrifying things to many is having some of their darkest and deepest secrets exposed . It can be quite humiliating to have your more embarrassing moments ridiculed and discussed among people who don’t even have the slightest inkling as to who you are. I think it’s exhausting to keep wearing these masks and pretending like everything is okay. While I know that many people do suffer from depression, I just don’t believe that a pill will heal the root of the problem.
The steps that I am taking to truly self improve has consisted of many things such as writing, reading , drawing, men, going for walks, going on bike rides, playing disc golf, smoking, drinking, and consuming unhealthy food ( way too much of it). Some of these things reaped neutral results, they didn’t harm me nor did they necessarily help me . Then, there were some that just flat out prohibited any chance of me succeeding and making the proper steps forward. Within each thing, there were moments of delight, moments where I felt inspired, even a little bit happy, but nothing was ever sustainable. The reason why nothing seemed to be going my way is because I am in this vicious cycle of self hate and total disapproval of who I am.
Self hate will only attract unwanted circumstances and unwanted people. These past few days I have been working really hard not to just read a book, but to actually finish it, no matter how bored or tired I get. In addition, it is mandatory that when I wake up the passage in one of my books is read aloud because it speaks of forgiveness. When it is time for bed, I read the same passage, wash my face, brush my teeth, and then go to sleep and pray. Going to bed feels relaxing because it is a time to unload all the feelings and thoughts of the day to the Universe, that way I don’t have to go to sleep with them. Reading the passing about forgiveness, that is a prayer in and of itself that sets an intention to heal and disrupt the negativity that seems to manifest in my life. The reading passage will be posted on the next post and I am positive that it will have some form of impact on those of you who read it.
This has been the start to my blog, if you made it this far, I truly appreciate the time you took to read it. If you have any questions or comments fill free to leave a comment !
With all my love,