If there is one thing that really irritates me, it’s when people complain about helping others like it’s some chore. We are supposed to help people because it’s our character and moral code for living with humanity. I am not superior to you and you are not superior to me, we walk side by side in this world so get over yourself and stop thinking that the world revolves around you. There is a specific person in my circle that I am having difficulty connecting with and sometimes I let my frustration towards not vibing with this person ruin my entire day to day living . It is my duty to try and figure out how my response to this person is affecting me because my feelings are not towards them, this is a reflection about me. I truly believe that God puts people in your life to teach you something about yourself . I think this specific person represents anger and triggers that in me and boy am I angry about this world we live in. I feel helpless and unmotivated to even try to change anything. This specific individual to me is a reflection of the whole world looking back at me and mocking me, making me feel so small and insignificant. Nice things will be said and gifts will be given, but it is a total bullshit thing Americans do. How many of us actually give gifts because we want to randomly do it. We give because we are obligated to do so on holidays, the actual magic and genuine spirit is gone. It is wonderful to offer people a home when they do not have one but of course we would never do this if we were not getting money from it. I am annoyed by the normalization of so many things we hide behind in order to be seen as functional human beings. I am sincerely sorry, but there is nothing normal about this world we have created. My personal philosophy about life is a bit depressing and it does eat me alive at times, but for me it is my Truth and I refuse to give that up. Love truly is the antidote to the anger that I feel but it is not all black and white. Unfortunately, I will just have to live with the fact that my feelings are my own experience and analysis of this world. It certainly feels validating when other people can sympathize or empathize with me, but it is not necessary. Alan watts said it best :

I have to radically accept that I can’t control the worlds outcomes!