The happiness project day 4

 

Starting a blog seemed so intimidating to me, but I always felt called to do it. Writing is sometimes super annoying because I get serious phases of writer’s block. There is nothing worse then wanting to express my thoughts, yet not having the right words. Unlike when I am talking where I can ramble aimlessly, I like my words to have purpose and meaning. It wasn’t until now, when I finally decided that I will not be doing this blog for anyone else, but me, as selfish as that may seem. This is an opportunity to have my thoughts organized and well documented. I also of course have the intent to have what I learn along my way to long term happiness be shared with anyone willing to give the time to read my content. I also love receiving criticism and feedback because that’s one of the best ways I know to be able to grow.

I have only lived 25 years on this planet and have already learned so much. My failures have made scars upon my soul, yet not in way that I am ashamed of. In fact, I have a deep love for my scars because each one taught me humility. For example, as a young girl I was naïve into thinking that I could avoid all trouble, I thought how hard can it be? I couldn’t wait to be an adult and a responsible one at that. I couldn’t wait to prove myself. It wasn’t until high school where I actually started to care about the way my peers viewed me. I was always seen as kind and innocent, but no one ever went out of their way to be my friend and I never went out of my way to befriend others. In high school, I tried to make friends with a group of girls, instead, I felt like someone who was mocked and laughed at. I knew that girls could be mean, but I didn’t think I would ever be immersed in their drama, I thought I could avoid it. I could have, if I stayed true to myself. Instead, I began dating guys I wasn’t even interested in, I just dated them because I didn’t know how to say no. Then, I got broken up with. That was weird. I began questioning myself. I started thinking about what was wrong with me and ways that I can try and fit in. Long story short, a buried myself under constant self-inflicted pain, avoiding all my problems and avoided all the opportunities to learn from them. When you know better, you will do better.

As far as my friendships now, they are in the process of being built. I know some amazing people, people who I at first was reluctant to trust. They have turned out to be the most compassionate and supportive people I know. I have amazing co workers that always give me hugs, smiles, and a listening ear! I feel so blessed to be surrounded by these people at work. Aside from work, I play disc golf which is where I have met many of the people I interact with. The women are so adventurous and outgoing and not judgey like the ones I seemed to have met in high school. I know that time does interesting things to people and their character, so I don’t want to hold any grudges. However, I will say the experience taught me to be more conscientious on who I decide to call a friend.  My biggest goal with the area of friendship is to make more of an effort. Go back to when I was a little girl and do things for others without expectations. I have to act like the friend I would want for myself. Building lasting relationships with the people that surrounds me is going greatly impact the level of happiness in my life. It’s never too late!

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