The Happiness Project Day 3
Remember to love; deeply and passionately. We all expect the people around us to give of themselves whether it’s in the form of comfort or a listening ear. Maybe you had a hard day and just want some peace and quiet. Why don’t they understand me by now? Don’t they care about how I feel? Am I always going to have to do the laundry? These are nagging thoughts that go off in our head when we are not coming from a place of love. Don’t expect praise or appreciation when you do things for the people that you love (that’s hard, especially when you feel like you NEVER get recognized). Gretchin Rubin is very honest about her need to receive metaphorical golden stars. Whether it be in the form of a cute little message of how appreciated she is or a compliment on a piece of writing she has done. In one form or another we all need to be validated. Besides that, we are social creatures, we need each other. “Couples who fight right tackle only one difficult topic at a time, instead of indulging in arguments that cover every grievance since the first date”. Don’t unload your own insecurities on your partner (this is one I need to work on for sure). Give proofs of love that shows the person that you care about their likes and dislikes.
Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship on and off for almost 4 years. Believe me when I say he has put up with a lot of my nagging and constant attacks on him. For example, I get extremely jealous over the friendships that he has because he tends to laugh more with them. What is so wrong with him being happy? Isn’t that what we should all want for each other? I mean it’s not like he sees them every day, but I get to, for the most part! There are many things that I get to do with him that somehow goes out the door the minute his attention is not on me. Thus far I have come to the realization that me not having friends sucks and somewhere seeped into my mind I feel pathetic and lonely for that reason. I want friends, but I seem to put up a wall and I get super awkward and weird. I have so much to say to people and yet I freeze because I don’t want to be rejected or feel rejected. I treat books as if they are my friends. I don’t mind it at all. However, I seriously need to stop shutting down in uncomfortable settings. Also, it sometimes comes down to whether or not I am in the mood to socialize which quiet, frankly, happens less frequently then I would like. My point is, we all are having nagging tendencies and we have to be able to converse with out partners about what is important and of value to us instead of believing that they should just automatically know.
Michael, why don’t you ever help me do the dishes? Michael, why don’t you ever do your laundry? Michael, why are you ignoring me? Love me the way I see fit! Love me like those Nicholas sparks books! LOVE ME!! Why can’t I let Michael love me the way he knows how? To be honest, what is so ironic is that I myself have trouble loving myself and that is the real battle as to why I feel the need to have his love and appreciation/attention. We always look at the symptoms of our feelings, but never the root cause. I avoid a lot of the work that I need to do in my life which is partly why I created this blog, so that I can become ignited to take actionable steps to a prosperous and well- rounded life.
I need to learn how to fight right more often and not bring up things in the past. When we do have disagreements, we always end up sound so darn childish. Like how a kid pouts when he/she doesn’t get his/her way. Also, no understand and no real communication takes place. It’s just a whole lot of he said she said. You did this and you did that wrong type of thing. Me and my boyfriend are pretty serious about progressing our relationship, however, we agree that we cannot do that without communicating and trusting one another. Most of the mistrust I have had is my only guilty conscious. Michael is a good man and the truth is, his love comes out harsh at times, but I have discovered that it is exactly what I need. He is helping grow the fuck up!! He is not a passive type of person, no matter who you are he will not be someone door mat and I love that so much about him. The best thing of all is that every thing he cares about he always puts his heart into it, even if it’s not always in plain sight!
That wraps up today’s post. AS always, please leave a comment down below if you find yourself in the same patterns of behavior as me or on all the amazing ways that love is working for you! I love what I get to do here on this blog and I look forward to sharing more!